Camping trip and shit that's been going on.

Ok long overdue, shall leave most details out. Camping trip was the best thing ever, just look at my facebook pics of the outback. It was such a beautiful place and a great experience, got to dissect a kangaroo! The night sky was awesome, one could see the whole galaxy besides the freezing cold.

Love life updates? was dating 2 guys, one had to leave for London, another was crazy about me and not in love with me, which scared me off somehow, although he is the sweetest person ever, now I know why no one ever wants me, maybe i scare them off with my sweetness as well, oh well Im not gonna complain again. I need to learn to love myself first, and on that note I joined the Gym last week and have been hitting it quite hard, well this time I want results. No matter how gross it's going to be I'll put before and after pictures! took the before pic last week and it grosses even me out. HAHA.

Now Im in a struggle to decide what to do after I graduate. Why do I feel the need to rush and make a decision, Ive got my whole life ahead of me why do I feel so old when im still so young. I wish there was a book that told me what I should do next. God you still there? or have I sinned so much that you cant bear to be near me? but then again, I think Im God once in a while. Someday I'll have the magical powers too.

On another note, I think im the most talented person I know. I can sing, dance, act, talk, host, I can be funny, I draw, I paint, I decorate, I cook splendidly well, Ive got a green thumb, Im pretty much good at everything I do. Yet, I dont love myself enough and have no confidence. Someday soon it'll change, I bet on it.

I think I should seriously proof read my blog posts, spotted a heck of alot of typos in my previous post and it wasnt such a long post to begin with. And yes Im back, finally getting the mood to blog. Its just one of the things I do, you know when you procrastinate and the work piles up (like one of my report that's due at 2 pm that I should be doing now) and you dont really want to do it so you put it off until you never do it. I didnt want this to be the same, Ive been wanting to blog seriously, but just felt a little not in the mood. I know alot of read my blog, learnt that I've a new reader, my aunt apparently, welcome aboard. My sister was all did you know this aunty knows that you're gay now cause she reads your blog and apparently her friend saw you kissing some guy, and I was all crap, that means I need to update my blog now that there's one more person reading it. Anyway Ive no idea where this person saw me kissing a guy, never done that in public, heck only once in a gay bar back in Singapore, unless they're just referring to a picture of mine on facebook which isnt really a kiss, but sure looks like one. Cant be bothered anyway. Most importantly I need to update you guys on shit that's been happening the last 2 months or so.

Let's start with after the horrid exams. First went down to Adelaide to visit mom and dad for a few days, such a pretty place it was, they had like a beach area that looked exactly like surfer paradise but without the crowd. Pretty place, and I didnt stay there long enough to fight with the family but not too sure what's going to happen when they get here this weekend. After Adelaide I was off to Sydney, to visit a friend, amongst other things, ah the drama that happened there, well not surprisingly I fell in love with the guy and shit like that, but he was still in love with his loser ex bf who he went back to after I left. What is with people liking people who treat them like crap rather than nice people? Anyway there was one night I was sooooo mad, cause he had no money and I ended up paying for all of his drinks and the more drunk he got the more some other guy started touching him and stuff, it was awful, I felt awful, but anyway came back and kinda got over it, shit i deserve sooooo much better. After Sydney was my camping trip for one of my courses which I shall blog about in a while. Got to get this report done first.

I know I always whine about being single and that Im looking for a boyfriend but I just to thinking if im really actually ready for a relationship? I dont think I am, cant imagine doing things together with someone else, I cant be myself, I cant do what I want when I want to, Id have to think how it'll affect them. Its just too much commitment. Last night I was chatting with a friend and he's been having some problems with his boyfriend and I told him well, you're the one who is in love, and he asked me if Id ever been. And boy did that start me thinking. Have I? Was I really in love with the ex? Or was I more in love with getting attached then anything else. And someone told me I had to know what it felt like, you know, the getting hurt part and moving on part. TOTALLY regret it! Thanks friend! Should have just wanted for my knight in shining underwear. Starting to think Id be much happier by myself. It definitely be more fun, except for the sex part. Oh well.

Ever wish you were a baby again? I do. Not a care in the world. Eat, poop, sleep. The way life should be. Cry when you are sad, laugh when you are happy. Simple things would cheer you up. Flowers mean something, butterflies are noticed, birds amuse you. I wish I was a baby again, not a care in the world.

Im already planning my holidays, oh, with no money of course. Off to visit mum and dad from the 27th-30th of June down at Adelaide. Still in the works of planning to visiting a friend from the 2nd to the 5th of July in Sydney but might be awkward seeing how his boyfriend sees me as a threat and thinks im going to steal my friend from him. Which actually makes me feel a little flattered.But for now I might have only enough money for the plane tickets. Then there is this man who emailed me about his B&B in some countryside in Queensland and is letting me stay for FREE. Lets hope I would not have to pay up some other way and also come back not in a body bag.

Happy holidays to all those already having theirs!

It's 8 25am im listening to some sad hindi song not knowing what she's even singing, trying to cramp crap of info into my head, cold, my glass doors are coated with condensation, Im having my coffee whose happiness abilities has yet to kick in and I'm thinking seriously what am I doing with my life? WHAT?

Crunch time, Exams are here. But im not really crunching. Im tired of everything. Im tired of life itself. I look forward to nothing anymore cause there really isnt anything. Im not gonna wait for some nuclear explosion, new disease outbreak, ice cap melting, people dieing. Im too emotional to handle anything. Ive got this weird notion where we're linked to everything and therefore alot of things brings me pain even it doesnt happen to me. The world is full of misery, materialistic and superficial people, including myself. I am annoyed I'm not as good-looking as that guy or as rich as that girl. I wish so many times everyday I was someone else. I have no idea why im so displeased about myself. No idea why im so ready to give up. I've had enough of this science shit. Enough of every kinda of shit. I wish the world would just stop to let me think a while.

We the citizens of Singapore.

Fuck it. I honestly dont feel there are any benefits being a Singapore citizen anymore. Other than the ability to get visas to go to many other countries quicker I dont know any others. I bet if I came back to Singapore with an Australian passport Id be viewed as an Expat and probably paid more than if I were a Singaporean. There are so many better examples of a better country. Having a military is the stupidest thing ever. Honestly, do you Japan's going to attack us anytime soon? or let alone our neighboring countries? Oh yes Malaysia would love to have this Island paradise Singapore, my ass. Wouldnt the UN protect us anyway. The money our gov is using for army could be used in so many other ways. Im soooooooo mad.

On another note I keep having this happy light feeling like I can conquer the world and that it's going to be a wonderful day whenever I have my coffee. I should really get back to studying. See ya!