I'm not normal. I'm Shahmen

Yo

2010-05-13T16:15:00.002+08:00

Its been a while since I blogged eh, oh well got busy I guess.

So, for those of you who still read, here's an update on my life. Im still not doing anything with my life. Been a house-brother for a while, cooking and stuff for the sis who's busy with her Honors project. Currently still waiting for my visa. Oh yes, I enrolled in a Visual Arts and Contemporary Crafts course, yea, arts and crafts. Its only for 6 months and I cant wait for it. Giving up science is hard, I do like it and it feels like im wasting my degree but no, everyone knows education is never a waste. Put it this way, when I meet a wanker who wants to act all smart about something scientific and I tell him he's full of shit, that's when he is wrong. Also decided to apply for Interior design next Feb. That would be exciting.

On another note. I got attached. He's 40, An Art curator quite cute and really nice to me. Russell is his name and I'm super happy with him. We're just starting out but we'll see how it goes. One of my other friends got attached and I was like wth that was fast and then another friend told me that I should give my support since she's been single for a long time. As usual I didnt get it. Support? I'll give you support when you're going through cancer or something not when you're in love, why do you need support for that for? Anyway Russell's in charge of the Singapore biennale 2011, so please go!

2010-02-05T08:38:00.002+08:00

God its been long since I blogged hasnt it? and I have loads to update you busybodies. Ive graduated, as of Dec last year, I have no idea how I did it. It wasnt that hard but what I had to deal with while studying it was hard, but in doing so showed that I could do almost anything now.

Went back to Singapore for Xmas and new years and kinda stayed abit too long, well atleast long enough to realise I still hate it. Lost one of my best friends, well kinda told him I dont want to see him or hear from him again. Found out he was still chatting/texting with my ex. Which best friend would think it was ok to chat with an ex who dumped you? Apparently this idiot. And even after this he's still trying to chat with the ex. Oh well. Guess the ex is to blamed as well for entertaining him. I also did manage to meet the ex, it was a nice day out but as usual he eventually became as asshole again, making me plan to meet him and sends me a text message saying he cant make it and doesnt give me a reason. He then gives me a reason a few days later, which was his specs broke and he had to go make a new one. Well Im obviously not over him, but you never really get over your first love do you?

Other dramas? My sister finally told my parents about her boyfriend and that ended up badly, they hate his family and they hate him. They have also come up with some ridiculous story of voodoo and shit and since im supporting my sister Im under it as well. Im sure they'll get over it soon.

Im also planning my cousins ROM ceremony, its very exciting but Im not sure how Im going to be doing it while Im in Australia. Speaking of which Im not sure how Im going to stay in this country, still havent got a job, my visa is ending soon and Im so afraid. Sometimes you've got to fail badly to rise up victorious dont you? But what if your so afraid of losing. Urgh, too confused. I just wanna leave everything and disappear for a while. Thinking of taking a long backpacking trip.

2009-10-11T22:28:00.002+08:00

Camping trip and shit that's been going on.

Ok long overdue, shall leave most details out. Camping trip was the best thing ever, just look at my facebook pics of the outback. It was such a beautiful place and a great experience, got to dissect a kangaroo! The night sky was awesome, one could see the whole galaxy besides the freezing cold.

Love life updates? was dating 2 guys, one had to leave for London, another was crazy about me and not in love with me, which scared me off somehow, although he is the sweetest person ever, now I know why no one ever wants me, maybe i scare them off with my sweetness as well, oh well Im not gonna complain again. I need to learn to love myself first, and on that note I joined the Gym last week and have been hitting it quite hard, well this time I want results. No matter how gross it's going to be I'll put before and after pictures! took the before pic last week and it grosses even me out. HAHA.

Now Im in a struggle to decide what to do after I graduate. Why do I feel the need to rush and make a decision, Ive got my whole life ahead of me why do I feel so old when im still so young. I wish there was a book that told me what I should do next. God you still there? or have I sinned so much that you cant bear to be near me? but then again, I think Im God once in a while. Someday I'll have the magical powers too.

On another note, I think im the most talented person I know. I can sing, dance, act, talk, host, I can be funny, I draw, I paint, I decorate, I cook splendidly well, Ive got a green thumb, Im pretty much good at everything I do. Yet, I dont love myself enough and have no confidence. Someday soon it'll change, I bet on it.

2009-08-19T07:25:00.002+08:00

I think I should seriously proof read my blog posts, spotted a heck of alot of typos in my previous post and it wasnt such a long post to begin with. And yes Im back, finally getting the mood to blog. Its just one of the things I do, you know when you procrastinate and the work piles up (like one of my report that's due at 2 pm that I should be doing now) and you dont really want to do it so you put it off until you never do it. I didnt want this to be the same, Ive been wanting to blog seriously, but just felt a little not in the mood. I know alot of read my blog, learnt that I've a new reader, my aunt apparently, welcome aboard. My sister was all did you know this aunty knows that you're gay now cause she reads your blog and apparently her friend saw you kissing some guy, and I was all crap, that means I need to update my blog now that there's one more person reading it. Anyway Ive no idea where this person saw me kissing a guy, never done that in public, heck only once in a gay bar back in Singapore, unless they're just referring to a picture of mine on facebook which isnt really a kiss, but sure looks like one. Cant be bothered anyway. Most importantly I need to update you guys on shit that's been happening the last 2 months or so.

Let's start with after the horrid exams. First went down to Adelaide to visit mom and dad for a few days, such a pretty place it was, they had like a beach area that looked exactly like surfer paradise but without the crowd. Pretty place, and I didnt stay there long enough to fight with the family but not too sure what's going to happen when they get here this weekend. After Adelaide I was off to Sydney, to visit a friend, amongst other things, ah the drama that happened there, well not surprisingly I fell in love with the guy and shit like that, but he was still in love with his loser ex bf who he went back to after I left. What is with people liking people who treat them like crap rather than nice people? Anyway there was one night I was sooooo mad, cause he had no money and I ended up paying for all of his drinks and the more drunk he got the more some other guy started touching him and stuff, it was awful, I felt awful, but anyway came back and kinda got over it, shit i deserve sooooo much better. After Sydney was my camping trip for one of my courses which I shall blog about in a while. Got to get this report done first.

2009-06-23T09:40:00.002+08:00

I know I always whine about being single and that Im looking for a boyfriend but I just to thinking if im really actually ready for a relationship? I dont think I am, cant imagine doing things together with someone else, I cant be myself, I cant do what I want when I want to, Id have to think how it'll affect them. Its just too much commitment. Last night I was chatting with a friend and he's been having some problems with his boyfriend and I told him well, you're the one who is in love, and he asked me if Id ever been. And boy did that start me thinking. Have I? Was I really in love with the ex? Or was I more in love with getting attached then anything else. And someone told me I had to know what it felt like, you know, the getting hurt part and moving on part. TOTALLY regret it! Thanks friend! Should have just wanted for my knight in shining underwear. Starting to think Id be much happier by myself. It definitely be more fun, except for the sex part. Oh well.

2009-06-18T21:01:00.002+08:00

Ever wish you were a baby again? I do. Not a care in the world. Eat, poop, sleep. The way life should be. Cry when you are sad, laugh when you are happy. Simple things would cheer you up. Flowers mean something, butterflies are noticed, birds amuse you. I wish I was a baby again, not a care in the world.

2009-06-17T19:26:00.002+08:00

Im already planning my holidays, oh, with no money of course. Off to visit mum and dad from the 27th-30th of June down at Adelaide. Still in the works of planning to visiting a friend from the 2nd to the 5th of July in Sydney but might be awkward seeing how his boyfriend sees me as a threat and thinks im going to steal my friend from him. Which actually makes me feel a little flattered.But for now I might have only enough money for the plane tickets. Then there is this man who emailed me about his B&B in some countryside in Queensland and is letting me stay for FREE. Lets hope I would not have to pay up some other way and also come back not in a body bag.

Happy holidays to all those already having theirs!

2009-06-16T06:24:00.002+08:00

It's 8 25am im listening to some sad hindi song not knowing what she's even singing, trying to cramp crap of info into my head, cold, my glass doors are coated with condensation, Im having my coffee whose happiness abilities has yet to kick in and I'm thinking seriously what am I doing with my life? WHAT?

2009-06-15T18:54:00.002+08:00

Crunch time, Exams are here. But im not really crunching. Im tired of everything. Im tired of life itself. I look forward to nothing anymore cause there really isnt anything. Im not gonna wait for some nuclear explosion, new disease outbreak, ice cap melting, people dieing. Im too emotional to handle anything. Ive got this weird notion where we're linked to everything and therefore alot of things brings me pain even it doesnt happen to me. The world is full of misery, materialistic and superficial people, including myself. I am annoyed I'm not as good-looking as that guy or as rich as that girl. I wish so many times everyday I was someone else. I have no idea why im so displeased about myself. No idea why im so ready to give up. I've had enough of this science shit. Enough of every kinda of shit. I wish the world would just stop to let me think a while.

2009-06-15T13:31:00.002+08:00

We the citizens of Singapore.

Fuck it. I honestly dont feel there are any benefits being a Singapore citizen anymore. Other than the ability to get visas to go to many other countries quicker I dont know any others. I bet if I came back to Singapore with an Australian passport Id be viewed as an Expat and probably paid more than if I were a Singaporean. There are so many better examples of a better country. Having a military is the stupidest thing ever. Honestly, do you Japan's going to attack us anytime soon? or let alone our neighboring countries? Oh yes Malaysia would love to have this Island paradise Singapore, my ass. Wouldnt the UN protect us anyway. The money our gov is using for army could be used in so many other ways. Im soooooooo mad.

On another note I keep having this happy light feeling like I can conquer the world and that it's going to be a wonderful day whenever I have my coffee. I should really get back to studying. See ya!

2009-06-14T22:40:00.002+08:00

Ive finally deleted my ex off facebook. Looking at his profile page bothered me alot, looking at him trying to act straight with his buddies is just irritating and more damaging to me. What you dont know cant hurt you eh. Quite annoyed with a friend back home, first I found out he chatted with my ex a few months ago which totally pissed me off, and now I found out he's been going out with my cousin and according to him he's not even talking to him, and even when i asked him about he's trying to deny it and later tries changing the subject, seriously? you think that's going to work with me? and not a single apology? wow guess you're just like your ex boyfriend eh, fucking liar. Whatever, doesnt matter, Im not in Singapore anymore so I don't bloody hell give a fuck.

2009-06-09T15:06:00.002+08:00

Ok so it’s nearing the exams and Im getting really lazy to even start studying. You know how you know when something’s going to suck so you leave till the end or when it's too late and then you panic? I think that's what I’m doing. I’m sick of science, there, Ive said it.

Anyway that tracking thing at the bottom is so cool! I had no idea Ive got someone reading me all the way from KL. I cant wait for the exams to be over and then it'll be the holidays! Which isnt really a holiday cause I’ve got a winter module to do and no money to go anywhere. Was thinking of going down to Sydney to visit a friend but his boyfriend doesnt really like me so Im not planning on going if someone’s going to be pulling a long face. I heard Melbourne flights are getting cheaper, but I dont want to kill myself. Not just yet.

I’ve reached the bottom of all bottom at the moment, loads to think about just when exams are around the corner is awful. I dont think I have the capacity to actually deal with this at the moment. Something needs to happen, a sign, a change, a winning lottery ticket, enlightenment, ANYTHING. Even some bird poop on my head would mean so much. I dread going back to Singapore to look for a job but I don’t think Im left with any other choice. Im missing all the hawker centre food already. Alright I better get back to studying, swear if I hear another person say HIV im going to kill them.

2009-05-27T19:49:00.002+08:00

Pictures of how Ive transformed my parents bedroom into my room... A princess cake at the bottom from Ikea, it was damn good, it tasted abit like kaya...

And this is what you do when Ikea gives you a shelf with a missing piece.

2009-05-23T21:37:00.002+08:00

I pray each day for a chance to go back in time. To change the so many things I could. If I could go back to right before my 21st birthday party I would. It was a great party but the things that changed after were too many for anyone to handle. Im amazed im still surviving, guess Im stronger than I actually think I am. I havent gone mad yet, but that's probably cause I was mad to begin with. Was it 15th June 2008? Yea, should be around there, send me back there please god please. Can I use the whole if you are really there you would grant me my wish trick? Ah well. Maybe it's meant to be, maybe my next life id be born as a hot dumb blond to a rich hotelier (not Paris Hilton, I said hot) I really hope things change, God? dont you think I've had enough?

Oh I failed my first exam! Woooo hooo! I so wanna quit school.
And I actually got a job and kinda got fired before I even started working! How cool is that!?

2009-05-04T20:41:00.003+08:00

It's almost been 5 months.8 months exactly since he proposed. I can't believe it. That's long balls! since I've been single. I think I'm getting used to it. Feels nice just being by myself, not bothered about what someone else is doing all day, if he's doing ok, if he's thinking about me, if he's gonna meet me soon, if he had a good day, or a bad day. Now it's all about me. This love-love relationship with myself, seems always perfect. I know how to treat myself, I know how to make-up for the bad things perfectly well. I never say the wrongs things to myself. Never shy to hold my own hands. Never wondering if you'd want to go somewhere I do.

Perfect.

2009-04-27T21:08:00.001+08:00

Gently it leaves its sticky twin
Small enough to peek within

It comes closer in shades of pink
Sweet tastes are all you think

The fresh gentle wind of minty mint
Everything around has a dark tint

Heart races and butterflies twitch
A warm feeling killing every itch

Eyes open when it shouldnt be
You see another to dreams flee

Once alone now in pairs
Never parting but for glares

How I wish I had one now
With someone who knows just how

2009-04-27T05:33:00.001+08:00

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved

[Chorus 2x]

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

(It's just a song I like, please don't give me craps on my tag board, thank you.)

2009-04-26T06:19:00.002+08:00

Im studying, YES finally, abit late but atleast im doing it. Paper tomorrow worth 35%, wish me luck! But yea I still managed to party this weekend, Friday night at a friends place, it was fun, helping girls hook up with guys, it was funny. Left at about 3 or 4, I cant even remember, apparently some guy came back to the party looking for me after I left, no one has a clue who, apparently cute, sucks! I sooooo need to know who he was and what did he want. Was abit bumped out that God made plans to go out but canceled on me, he said he'll reschedule, we'll see now wont we. And im getting pissed with one of my friends, its getting to me that he finds a need to get to know my friends and somehow prove to me he knows them better than I do. I think it makes him feel special, he even sounded like he was trying to know my mother better than me. Annoying. Oh well. People. He'd probably read this and ask, Id say I dunno, so don't ask. Alright its back to studying, unless im thinking of failing and quitting school. Urgh, seems like a great idea, I just need money or a husband.

2009-04-15T17:59:00.002+08:00

Looks like im only going to be blogging about my weekends, cause thats when I actually do go out and I think i should only go out on one of the days of the weekend cause one of it will turn out nice and the other bad! Just like the previous weekend.Went to gold coast on Saturday and spent more than I should have but I finally got a cardigan ive always wanted. And great company and great dinner that one of my friend's brought us to. He was really nice, hopefully that's really him and not how he is just cause he was in the company of chicks. HAHA. He was nice and was actually quite comfortable with me being gay and talking about gay stuff the whole time, no squeamish reactions, nothing. He's cool! Hopefully he'd stick to his word and train me cause im getting fatter and fatter. Just looked at a pic of myself not too long ago and got depressed. Anyway, that was the good day.

SUNDAY, I should have just stayed home,Had an Easter picnic in the afternoon that was SUCH a bore. Really awful, I just kept looking at my phone for the time and hoping someone would have texted me. So when we finally got back home I was all tired, but when it got dark I was all bored and got tempted to club/drink, and Ali was like lets go, and I decided to ask Craig if he was going since he asked me out the night b4 and I cldnt go. And before Ali and I left he asked about Craig, and I clearly mentioned that Craig's a new friend and Definitely off limits, anyway Ali's attached, but his bf was out of town. And I also talked about how insecure I am and how no one likes me and stuff like that. AND when we went out and met Craig and after he had a couple of drinks Ali started flirting with Craig, and that fucking pissed me off! and Craig had no idea what was going on and I didnt wanna tell him that i had said he was off limits cause you know. And so the mood was awful, and I felt like it was my fault. Still mad at Ali, told him off and all he could say is, I do want to have sex with Craig, but I wont. I was like "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT!?!?!?!?!" And so I told myself to never ever go out with him, ever again.

There might have been a little good though, Craig was like "did you think id do anything with your friend when I asked YOU out?" and when we said our goodbyes, he somehow avoided my cheeks and went straight to my lips. I was too shocked to react though. Just went away with a shocked look. And he tells me the next day he likes hanging out with me.

P.s.: I wonder if my ex still reads my blog, must be awkward. Oh well, I still think of him once in awhile wondering what I could have done differently. Still hurts, still does.

2009-04-06T16:27:00.003+08:00

I think i had the best weekend in a while.

Saturday night was a Retro party with a buncha straight people and I thought it wasnt gonna be fun since it might just be Singaporean indians. But no. I had fun! I did! Made a friend, named Peter I think, damn cute but married. We all had fun, I was their unofficial bartender and that was just fantastic.

Sunday was FANTASTIC! I met a friend finally after knowing him for like 2 years plus in the city and just walked around alot. It was boring at first but after we were off shopping that became quite fun! he was great. After a couple of drinks later it was time to go for a play my friend stage managed and his bf directed. It was, least to say, WEIRD. SOOOOOO So weird. It was something about meditation and some other weird exercises these people do every sunday. Some weird cult, and they made it into a play. Some crap about not having ego and shit. So when it was done the first thing I did was run to the loo, or rather looking for it and bumped into Sarah who was also looking for the loo. Sarah's this 37 girl, im saying girl cause she could pass off for 18. Seems she works at David Jones (macham Tangs in singapore) where i JUST went shopping with the previous friend and all the guys that work there are gay. Anyhoooo. We both kinda cliqued and went around introducing ourselves as best friends when we only just met. haha. And my friends boyfriend was rather weird reacting to me, whenever i spoke to my friend he would either ask him to do something or butt in into the conversation as well. It was so obvious that even Sarah noticed it. So much for no ego whatsoever, he even put his hand on my forehead all the way back and messed my hair up! Grr. So yea Sarah and decided to leave, she came up with the excuse that we were going to go off for some beer. And she drove all the way to St Lucia where I live to have some drinks, she paid for everything and even sent me back home! turns out she might be lesbian. I seem to be attracting lotsa lesbian friends! haha. I had such fun with her, and she's gonna introduce me to all her fag friends at David Jones. Ive seen them and they're all freaking hawt~! Cant wait to see her on Wednesday, she's sucha ball of fun!

2009-04-06T16:25:00.001+08:00

Lets start with Friday night shall we, i wasnt gonna go out cause i knew God was going and i didnt wanna look to desperate, then God said he might not be going so I decided to go with Ali and this other guy Alex. On my way there God msged that he was coming, which yea made me Happy. So there he had his friend Seb n his girlfriend,Phil. And Phil like asked us who we thought was good looking there and I said God and God said me obviously cause i said him first. Anyway,Seb was really cute, turned out he was bi! and was from Britain, Oooo British accent. Anywhoooo so the night went by, we started getting a lil tipsy i became really huggy, I kept hugging God and kissing him on his cheek, and vaguely remember him saying "i love you shahmen" in his drunkeness. Somewhere along the way his friends left to go get smthing and he went along askin me and Alex and Ali to stay behind, a while passed and i had no idea where they went, so instead of calling God i called Seb. when he picked up he was like hold on, and then later mumbled smthing abt how he stepped on Phils leg and its broken and bleeding or smthing like that and they're going home. So I was like ok... and in my head thought they were sooo blowing me off, and msged God telling him that i cant believe he actually did that and gd night. He called back passing the phone to Phil who explained to me that it wasnt a lie and they were waiting there if id wanted to come and go home with them. And so then i felt like an ass. And after a few msgs, God was like we're just good mates bla bla. So yea. Now it'll be awkward to see him.

2009-03-25T19:01:00.003+08:00

I blog so that you'll read and pity me. So please pity me. Feel sorry for me, thank you.

Anyway yes im abit irritated. I think Im meant to never find love maybe? Everyone just wants to be my friend! Fucking hell. Even the previous relationship I had to force him to make me his bf! Urgh. WHY? and they give excuses like if we dated then we broke up I wouldnt have you as a friend anymore. FUCK that's exactly what I dont want to be! haha. Ok so yea im just gonna ignore the crush ive got for this guy and not do the things ive done for others before cause then it'll hurt more. Like how i used to buy things for them, pay for their drinks, go out of my way and wait for them. Im just gonna act so freaking uninterested until someone fucking notices me. Thank you.

2009-03-18T20:26:00.002+08:00

Anyone missing me in Singapore? Well maybe Tantric. Cause I spent loads there? Urgh. If I only had more money. Anyway im still getting used to being here. The school's like the world and I dont like it. Where's my life? Im a Uni student for fucksake. Im 21 for fucksake. Where's my freedom? Why doesnt my opinion matter? Why am I still being treated like a child? WHY?

2009-03-16T09:23:00.002+08:00

My excuses for shaving my hair off.
For my friends : I just got bored and needed a change, you know, buang suay.
For Normal people : The weather was a bit too hot and my hair was trapping too much heat that I had to cut it.

But the main reason would the combination I guess.

Im happy today. Why?

Not cause Ive got a pile of homework to do and I havent done any and am not planning on. Not cause im fat. Not cause of the stupid heart burn im constantly having accompanied with constant belching but because im dressed up nice. HAHA. YES IM GAY THAT WAY. I love what ive put together today. I can walk with my head held up high full of confidence. I wonder if its just the coffee im having now though.

2009-03-12T20:34:00.000+08:00

And if anyone wants to see a picture of God, just ask me.

2009-03-12T20:16:00.003+08:00

Ive finally got internet! I guess I dont have an excuse for not blogging? But then again Ive actually got sooo much to say that Im too lazy to type. I shall upload pics of my new place, plus my special corner that i made for myself at the back of the apartment. Schools been ok, have not started studying and getting my notes in order yet, soon soon. Mum just got here, mixed feelings. Going to noosa over the weekend! Cant wait to see how cyclone hamish ruined the beach. Anywho, met my first fag yesterday and many others. He just added me on facebook and asked to meet me in school, there's this gay group and like a room where we can chill there. How cool is that? ALOT of hotties there. There's this guy ive got my eye on and im calling him God. I wanna pray to him. I found it hard to open up though, Im not used to just saying hi, ive always been the wait for people to talk to me kind, I guess thats why im lonely? I dunno. I like the way people here just talk to you. It's nice, but i often find myself too shocked to carry on the conversation. Ive realised i need alcohol to be friendly, I need to get drunk/tipsy to be fun and I hate that. I really do. I've got to change, my whole Tantric (gay bar) routine should change cause I remember never talking to anyone there. Must be the low self esteem. Hate it! I need to be more confident of myself. Any tips? haha. Carry vodka in my bag?

2009-03-05T11:29:00.002+08:00

Stress! ok so yes i can get stressed. I am seriously thinking of dropping one of the courses, and it's not cause it's difficult or anything but mainly because I dont know anyone there. Today was the first lecture and since im butting in in year 3 the people in lectures already know each other for like 2 years prior, so that makes me a lonely soul. Not making it worst we had to choose a project topic and write them down in groups, so yea i left the lecture not writing anything down since I had no friends/ groups. HATE MAKING NEW FRIENDS DAMMIT. Can I just do my assignments alone!??!?!?!??!. LOL. I shall try to make new friends tomorrow and hopefully get myself into a group.

Vincero Perdero Mada Solo? I dont think so!

2009-03-04T07:50:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the delay in updating, I havent got internet at my new place yet, which reminds me i should take pics and upload them. Made a small corner for myself in the corner of my apartment. And my sofa bed, yes i sleep out in the hall. It's not that bad, i shall take over my dad's room when he goes to Melbourne to work. Hopefully he brings my mum along. If not. Haiz. My mum should be coming this weekend. There goes all of our freedom. Urgh. So right now im struggling to choose my courses, took one marine ecology module that seems abit heavy but interesting nonetheless. Im gonna stop using the word difficult and refer to it as interesting. It is seriously getting irritating having people saying they're taking modules that are easy. I dont get it, id rather do something interesting that's difficult. Nothing in life's easy. I've heard it so many times, from my parents telling me my ambitions arnt easy to achieve so I should choose something else to these modules. I think it's a Singaporean thing though, never heard a single aussie say it yet. And on that note, there are 257 over Singaporeans here who just enrolled. Which means wherever i turn there are singaporeans, and these are the people Im trying to run away from, cause they stress, aussies dont. And I dont like to stress. So for now im pretending to be really unfriendly and staying away from all this SingChiaPorRens. Unless of course they're already my friends which means they're cool. So till the next time I rush to the library and use free internet, See Ya!

2009-02-21T21:10:00.004+08:00

Well I forgot to mention that I did message my ex boyfriend at the airport before I left, no idea why i bothered when he didnt, maybe I thought he might think I didnt want him to message, anyway yes im delusional. Anyway wouldnt know if he replied to it cause I had to switch my phone off after that and suspend the line, so id never know I guess. unless he tells me :(. Oh well. Im at gold coast at the moment shall upload pics when I get back to Brisbane. Love Surfers paradise, I once said if this was my world women would stay indoors and hot men would not wear clothes, this is close, the surfer dudes refuse put their tops on, im not complaining though. Except for the occational whales.

Oh the best part is I finally got to see Dolphins! I LOVE dolphins. They were soooo cute, they were actually surfing! following the waves and all. Id want to make it my life's goal to atleast swim with wild dolphins once! Well until the next post, see ya!

Anyway, you guys could email me, I know im supposed to email some of you, I will soon ok, you guys could call me at 0420904908 or sms, I think the codes like 0186 followed by my number for phone calls from a starhub hp and +614 before my number for an sms. The phones been really quiet lately.

2009-02-19T21:22:00.003+08:00

Helloooo, ok so I guess I havent really talked about leaving and everything so yes lets start from the beginning. Yes I did cry. I still have this mental picture in my head when I turned around to see everyone right before boarding. I saw all the different groups of people. It was nice seeing all my loved ones! Thank you everyone for coming to send me off! So all we've been doing is getting our Id cards done our bank accounts, and SHOPPING. OMG i went crazy at this shopping centre named Indroopilly shopping centre, mad discounts, and so many thrift shops that sold everything! plus loadsa eye candy.

Im still trying to figure things out at the moment, not sure anymore why I came here and what Im going to do with my life, should I sit through this Biomedical science when Im not sure I want to do it for the rest of my life. Did I even come here to study like my sister and cousin? I dont think I came for just that. Im here to sociallize which I think my parents have banned me. I NEED to go to a Bar and drink dammit! Cant wait. No offence to my sis and cousin but I need to make new friends. Australian ones, my sister's been here for 6 months and has got no Australian friends.haha. ok maybe just one. Anyway, yea. Ive bought loadsa things, went shopping yesterday and today.

OH! and I went to school today to just walk abit and walked around this huge pond that im gonna put pictures of, and saw like ducks and swans and wanted to go close to take a picture when a few of the birds started chasing me, I have never in my life been chased by birds! Scary. Anyway going to Gold Coast for the weekend to stay with dad, hope i'll have some fun there.

And the other picture's my sisters room that we're all bunking in.

2009-02-16T19:06:00.003+08:00

Safely Landed, and yes I did kiss the floor! Here's a pic, I swear my lips was on the floor!!!

2009-02-15T16:13:00.002+08:00

7 hours more and Im off for good. So nervous, Will be this be my last time here, Ive always wanted to get out of this place, but now hmmm. I am supposed to feel sad Im leaving something behind? Am I? Im lost for feelings and emotions. Lost. Thanks for all the well wishes so far. Good bye then. Oh but well Id still update so dont worry. Hopefully there's internet, I know im gonna get pissed about the internet speed and connection over there, im too used to the fast one here. So yes. Bitter sweet I guess. More sweet though, gonna kiss the floor once I exit the Aus airport. HAHA. Have fun people!

2009-02-12T00:11:00.003+08:00

Leaving on a jet plane - chantal kreviazuk
I wish I could tell everyone. But I cant. Id love to. But I cant. I dont even know if I should blog it. But I will.

I said I was leaving and I am. Finally. This Sunday night, Im flying off together with my sis and cousin to Australia to study for a year, might wanna extend and never come back cause there's nothing to come back for. Im sad he didnt meet me like he said he would atleast before I left, I know I said I wouldnt talk about him anymore but I cant help it. I wish him all the best in life. I know him saying he'd wait for me was all talk, I hope he doesnt even if he meant it. I know he reads this and so Im saying it.

Im going to miss everyone. I sure am. I already teared like twice. Im gonna miss alot of friends and family. But it feels just about right to go. Im sure I'll be happier there. :D. take care everyone!

2009-02-08T12:30:00.002+08:00

It was my farewell party last night, and I got super drunk. I was supposed to go to the temple at 2 am cause my mum, sis, cousin and best friend were gonna be carrying milk pots and stuff, but I didnt. I just didnt answer any phone calls. I enjoyed the party too much and didnt wanna leave. I hate myself for doing that, but it's too late isnt it. Now Im too scared to step out of my room. Why did I even do that? Maybe just to spite them? Cause so far not matter what I do I cant get them to hate me? And I want them to hate me? I have no clue. Maybe there's too much love around and I couldnt stand it? I dont know. But now im scared. Cause I know there's gonna be trouble. Maybe my mum and sis would be ok, but my best friend might just not talk to me. We'll see how things go.

2009-02-03T10:52:00.003+08:00

So Ive lost like 1 kg, yes just 1, after getting drunk and puking everything, and skipping dinner for a few days and puking the rest, only 1 fucking kilograms. But Im not gonna give up. A step at a time eh or rather a kilo at a time. Got to keep it up. I saw my 21st birthday pictures which were not long ago and I was soooo much slimmer. You could actually see my jawline. Urgh.

And as im typing this seems my cousin Tunitha just gave birth to a wonderful baby boy! Well congratulations! I know how hard labour must have been (10000000 X first anal sex). So well please dont stop now and have a few more! cause you know im not going to procreate. LOL. And this means my grandparents are proud GREAT GRANDPARENTS, boy what an honour eh!. My grandma should be calling everyone right now. Well congrats again to my chechi and Nishan, proud new parents of a baby boy.

2009-02-01T15:17:00.001+08:00

Lonely, that's what Im feeling now. No one to randomly call and talk to. No one to flirt with.
Love this song though.

Learn to Be Lonely - Andrew Lloyd Webber

2009-01-28T20:14:00.003+08:00

I hate him but I love him and dont wanna talk about him anymore. Im getting over him. Im getting rid anything I have of him. Pictures we took together in my wallet, the cum-stained t-shirt he wore, apparently his favourite, ticket for pitching a tent 8th of August 2006, movie tickets to transformers, seiyu reciept of that bag, starbucks tissue. Hmm well that's about it I guess. Im gonna try dating and stop sending him smses when im drunk. That's that.

Had a blast out last night but bad bad hangover. BAD. NEVER before have I woken up with such a painfull headache. Champagne is bad! Well atleast I finally managed to hang out with Kumar last night. He's so funny I tell you and nice. And I got drunk on Champagne, bad bad bad. I had fun though. Not happy looking at couples but oh well. Just have to deal with it.

2009-01-26T13:17:00.003+08:00

Im too lazy to blog, but I know people read this, found out another friend reads it, yes it's you Devi, I so want to type your full name out but I know you want to just be called Devi, so yea. haha. Had a family picnic at East Coast yesterday, stayed over on Saturday to chop place. Anyway, I've been messaging my Ex hoping he was fine from field camp and he was, seems he enjoyed it, which is good. He said he was going to meet me this CNY but as usual that ball-less brainless creature cancels on me, cause it's fun to cancel on me right? cause it makes me mad? more depressed? more mad? more moody?

And he said he was going to be at East Coast yesterday, and I was like great! I've been dying to see him for more than a month and now he's on the same stretch of beach, but noooooooooooo, he couldnt even meet me for a few minutes, he couldnt even tell me where he was so that I could just walk past to see how he looks. But I tried, I cycled up and down, walked up and down almost dehydrated myself, but I still couldnt find him. Probably just wasnt meant to be. But I want to see him, even still. Maybe if he keeps cancelling on me I'd just go under his block and wait. And he says Im making him look like a bad person? Fuck! YOU DONT DUMP A PERSON and still try to look like the good guy, YOU REFUSE to make any effort to see a friend when you're in the same area and try to look like the good guy, YOU DONT DITCH a friend to go shopping in town and lie to him that you need to rest at home cause you've strained your ankle. YOU DONT talk about putting faggots in a box and burning them when you later go over to your boyfriend's house and enjoy him sucking on your cock. YOU ARE THE BAD GUY.

Someday you'll learn your lesson, maybe sooner than later?

2009-01-23T22:13:00.002+08:00

I've totally lost it. I dont know what is right and what's wrong anymore! Im just doing the things I want to do, Like if there's something I want to do and I dont feel is right, I somehow work it out in my head that I should do it! Like who cares if its wrong, Im gonna do it. And it's worst when my mum gets involved, whenever she tells me not to do something I purposely do it! Urgh... My conscience doesnt work anymore, I think im even going against that. Oh well. I've so got to change and I dont like it. I hate changing myself! I've been trying to wake up early and exercise everyday but I keep snoozing the alarm, just cause I can. Oh no! This never ending spiral! Help?

2009-01-22T01:10:00.002+08:00

Nightmares,

That's how bad it's getting, I already know I'd be mad if I saw my ex with someone else, or maybe sad mad? I dont know but I have a rough idea cause of my nightmares. People I knew, better looking friends, ok fine he's hot, and some other friend, I see them dating him in my dreams and my blood boils. They buy him gifts, I think he likes them too. Urgh hurt like shit, Id just wouldnt know what to do when it actually happens. Might run at the guy with a knife. Urgh. I still have it in my mind that he's mine and no one should have him. WHY!?!?!!??!?!? No freaking clue. I miss his handsome face. Urgh.

2009-01-18T15:57:00.001+08:00

Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

on.

just away.

2009-01-11T00:38:00.002+08:00

Finally some kinda drama on my blog. I think I might have chanced upon a hater. Someone doesnt like me, ME? wahahahhahahaha. Amazing. Well its nice to know someone bothers to do something to try and affect my mood and all. For those of you wondering what I'm talking about well as you can see in the previous post I put my ex-boyfriends photograph up and blackboxed his face and wrote stuff.THEN someone tags asking me to remove the picture and made me think it was him, but my ex-boyfriend was nice enough to see it and tell me it wasnt him. So someone wants me to get mad at my ex-boyfriend. HAH. So to whoever you are, Im already mad at him so there's nothing more you could do to make me more angry. And no matter what you do to make me hate him I'll still love him.

2009-01-08T14:00:00.002+08:00

He-who-cannot-be-named and not put a proper photograph of cause he's still in the closet. Yes, my EX- boyfriend. My first and hopefully the last. I miss him, I miss him like crazy. It pains me that I know he'll never meet me again even though he says he would, It pains me that I dont know how he looks like now and his friends do. It pains me that he ditched meeting me to go shopping with his friends. It pains me that he dumped me and yet can still talk to me on the phone like nothing happened. It pains me that I still love him and I know he still loves me too. I hope this heartache goes away. I'd do anything for him, Id be there for him no matter what, but i know he wont for me, maybe I should start thinking what's in this for me?

2008-12-31T10:29:00.002+08:00

Happy End Of Old Year

Those close to me would know what a horrendous year it was for me, it is without doubt the worst year I have had ever and I'm not exaggerating. The list of bad could go on for ever. Tearing my meniscus and my ligament, going for 2 surgeries, admitted for a fever, having someone ditch me, getting dumped again, never being as a whole family.

But then as I always do, I only remember the bad and so I shall try now to remember what this year good. I fell in love and he loved me back. My family's a whole now and even with all the problems I've given them their still here for me, they still love me. Oh I finally told them I'm gay,although my mom still does'nt understand the concept. I've been given the opportunity to see people for who they are this year, gotten rid of a few so called friends. And made new ones that might last forever e.g. Praveen who has been an amazing friend this year and has been there for me, I do not think I'd be the same for him if I was in his situation and that's very hard for me to admit.

It maybe the last few days of this year that i've realized this but my extended family, my cousins who are more like siblings especially Daisyakka, have shown me love I've never seen or known that I'd cherish forever. I might have been thinking I've got no purpose to live and nothing to live for but I say this now, I'll live for them. I did have a post a while ago saying im meant to be used, my purpose is such and I probably forgot it a long the way but maybe now i'd get back to it.Thrust me when I say I'll live forever.

Yours Sincerely with lots of love for the past year,

Shahmen

2008-12-27T02:52:00.002+08:00

Maybe he's too young for all my problems, maybe he just doesnt know how to react, maybe he really just doesnt know. Maybe I wasnt understanding enough. Maybe it was all my fault. Maybe i was too harsh towards him. Maybe I always picked fault. Maybe I always blamed him. Maybe I purposely drove him away from me. Maybe it's better this way.

But I'll smell his t-shirt to sleep tonight
(and secretly hope he'd read my blog and ask me back and everything will be alright.Right. hah.)

2008-12-26T06:02:00.002+08:00

It's 6 in the morning, I'm up cause my body clock has been screwed cause of the Xmas celebrations. Was up till like 5 am on Xmas day, had like a few hours to snooze and then we're up again and only got home at about 5 pm, and have been sleeping since. I think my whole family's been sleeping. Anyway if you guys have heard(facebook), I've just broken up with my boyfriend. He just drove me up the wall with his uncertainty and his closetedness that I could not take it, It all ended on Xmas eve, what a way to spend a holiday.

All I wanted to do was to pick him up after he booked out from pulau tekong, but he didnt want me to, and didnt want to give me a reason. I miss him like crazy and couldnt wait to see him, but i dont think he even bothers. The night I fall asleep only cause I'm smelling a t-shirt of his. The days that I spend staring at his photographs. And all I wanted to do was to see him as soon as I could, but he was too ashamed of me. Didnt want his friends he made in two weeks see me, someone he's known for more than 2 years. I dont walk around in a dress, the only thing about my dressing that's gay is probably the beads I wear, but I dont wear them around him. Maybe cause I'm too open about it. But well he could have lied that I was his brother or cousin or I could have just stayed in the freaking Cab. But no, he just didnt wanna see me. I wanted to see him the day before he went in to give him something but well that too didnt happen cause his grandma was over or something.

It just feels like he wasnt putting in any effort to meet me, it's always only if it's convenient for him and only when he wants to see me. I dont ask for like 5 hrs to spend with me, even if its like 30 mins I'd be happy, he could have just said he had to get something from LOT 1 or something and meet me there. I hope he grows up someday and realises what he wants, comes out of the fucking closet and not be those pretend to be straight and marry some girl and cheat himself person. I'd hope someday probably after I'm gone, he'd remember there was someone that loved him.

2008-12-16T12:31:00.001+08:00

Well I got an offer to UQ already! WOO HOO... but then again I dont know if we have enough money to send me over. I hate myself for not thinking of money ever and just spending it like there's no tomorrow. I could have atleast saved a dollar. Grr. So is there anyone out there that'll like to make a donation? haha. Guess not. Sugar daddy? anyone?

2008-12-15T00:39:00.003+08:00

I'm pissed he didnt wait for me to say i love you like I always do. Im starting to wonder if he cares at all, didnt bother asking how I am, and when I said I missed him he said he had no time to think about me to miss me. He calls me when he can only talk for a few minutes. I dont think it was even more than one. I'm starting to think if this is even going anywhere. I need attention and I've told him that. I think about him all day and what he might be doing there and wonder if he ever thinks of me. I guess not. Am I asking for too much? Maybe some of us are better alone? I dunno.

Think of Me - Original Cast

2008-12-12T23:33:00.002+08:00

And when he sounds so happy on the phone, my thumping heart is calm. Seems like he's having fun there, well it has only been two days. Yes, my boyfriends serving the nation, funny thing is I know his platoon sergeant who is a fag, and another one of his platoon mates who I just found out was on my facebook who is also a fag. My oh my, so many gay people around, it surely has to a natural thing right? haha. If I could just spend a day outing mediacorp artistes and other professionals I so would, would you pay me for that?

That's besides the point, as much as I grumble about my boyfriend I think im just being really human and never being satisfied and just wanting more and more from him when I know he just really cant give it now maybe never but still he shows his love in many other ways. I love him so much and I thank god he's doing good there although it's only been two days. Now I know how my mum felt when I went in. Yes my bf's like my child. lol.

Shahmen misses him and cant wait for Xmas eve.

2008-12-06T01:03:00.002+08:00

So I just saw The movie City of Ember, it was an okay movie. Story was alright, basically about how the human civilization going underground cause they probably fucked up earth like what we're almost reaching and now after 200 years they've got to return to the surface. Anyhoo after the movie, we got sort of directed out by exit signs and as usual it led to a lift, a cargo lift and as all Singaporeans do, we take the lift. And when it reached level one it opened but infront of us was shutters. SO funny, the whole lift started giggling when someone said "hey entrance to Ember". That's all.

2008-11-30T16:51:00.002+08:00

Such an eventful weekend. Great party last night, Sindhu's 21st, I dont know about her but I had fun watching all the aunts and uncles dance was hilarious. I never knew her father was that funny! Found out more people read my blog, crap, that means I'll have to update more? Do i? Ah whatever. So anyway after pubbing last night I went back with Sinasi to Toa Payoh and had Mac Donald’s cause he wanted some AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? Fuck, I am still traumatized.

We were eating and this crazy woman walks in, ok more like stumbles in im guessing her favourite colour is reddish- pink, cause she had t-shirt and shorts of that colour and her hair was dyed that colour too. The next thing I know she’s fucking kissing me on my cheek only cause she missed my lips. She’s probably 40 or something, pissed drunk. So Sinasi and I thought it was funny and this woman goes and orders her food and the next thing I know she smooching my cheek and holding on to me again. SO FUCKING SCARY.

I pushed her away and she attacks again trying to kiss me. I pushed her again and she falls smack on the floor legs spread, head back, I thought I pushed her too hard but no. She gets up after a while and then now attacks Sinasi and the other men at Mac. She kept coming back to me though, I didn’t even finish my food, I could not take it no more, I got up and left way before Sinasi did. Seems she started talking to him about Jesus, and he was like I’m muslim and she was like that’s stupid Jesus is the best or something. When I heard this I went back in and screamed “Jesus is Gay” and walked back out. No offence though, I just thought it was funny.

2008-11-28T14:24:00.002+08:00

So so I got inked, well somemore. I would put the pics up on Facebook but guess who's got Facebook? MY DAD! Scary... anyway here's the pics while it was getting done.

2008-11-23T16:45:00.002+08:00

It was Nanda's Birthday celebration last night, I thought I did a horrible job hosting it, but well not completely my fault. Anyway after the party we continued at O bar, really long since I last went, love that place for their cheap ass drinks. Last night was quite eventful I must say, Nanda and his friends, bla bla. They're quite entertaining! Especially Ray/Rae. Met my cousins there as well, the music there's so good! Danced like crazy, I was so good, paying for it now. Urgh. Met my bmt sergeant as well. I had no idea people read blog. I got two whispers in my year last night one was "I read your blog, It's ok", and the other was "I read your blog, I had no idea you were gay". I thought that was funny and really cool. Well I had booking in and today's book in day, I so wanna get outta NS!. I just might.

2008-11-15T01:43:00.001+08:00

No matter what happens today, I just wanna be with you, and I do hope you wanna be with me too. I think I know you do, but you just show it. I know it isnt your style to but I just need to be reminded once in a while. I love you boyfriend and I hope someday we could walk the streets holding hands and not worry about a thing.

2008-11-12T21:10:00.000+08:00

I DONT want to book in. Urgh. It feels like im just enlisting, dont think I can remember much. And Im back to my weight before enlisting. Craps. Im so fat now. I've gotten too lazy, not even going to the Gym I pay a hundred dollars a month. SHIT. Now im only earning 300 dollars a month. I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dont wanna go. Actually contemplating on AWOL=ing. Urghs.

2008-11-12T00:32:00.001+08:00

It was this, Strawberry Blond and now...

This, all black again. I feel it looks blacker than ever. Good Dye.

2008-11-11T00:34:00.002+08:00

Weddings are so much fun. Two of my cousins got married this year. The tears the joy, the family getting together, seeing how hot our relatives have become, ogling people we dont know. Helping out wherever we can. Seeing two people in love get together, parents with joy on their faces, knowing that night their son/daughter going to do the naughty naughty with everyone's approval so that they can produce ungrateful and maybe gay offspring like me. Yes, it has to finally be about me since it is my blog anyway.

I like weddings, but it makes me sad cause I'll never be the one that sits there on the stage and have thousands of relatives from my side and my future husbands side bless us with a long wedded life full of happiness and good sex. My parents wont be able to look the way other parents look at their childs wedding. And I cant tell everyone that he's the one I want to spend my whole life with. Urgh. I should stage my own, would you come?

2008-11-10T17:08:00.003+08:00

Back to camp on Wednesday, finally after 4 months. Don't think I remember much about army anymore. Feel like doing things to not go back, I could if I'd want to, but what would I do then? Nothing, well same as in the Army, Atleast I might spend less money.

And so Ive got two parties that im one Co-emceeing and the other main Emcee. Kinda scared for the one where id be doing alone. But well I'm going to have fun like I always do. I dont care what people think, I'll just hope I dont end up laughing at my own jokes.

Had to go for a wedding yesterday, decided to do something different in my Hung over state, dyed my hair Cherry blond, so not a good idea, but i think it's alright though. Starting to like it, but well it's going to be black again tomorrow for Army. Maybe it'll be different again this weekend, we'll see now wont we. But it's hard to not look like an Anjadi.

AND I cant wait for the 20th and 21st of November, as you can see in my tagboard. My SISTAZ are coming back! Although Mas has not been answering my calls, she'll have to answer me when she gets here. Joan on the other hand has been nice enough to talk to me. haha. Cant wait to meet and have coffee at Starbucks while we're all manopausing and bitching people who walk past and I looking at every good looking guy and claim they're gay.

2008-11-04T01:43:00.002+08:00

1. Do you have secrets?
Yes.

2. Would you fall in love with a boy younger than you?
Already have.

3. Do you enjoy going to school?
I did enjoy when i was in Sec sch and Poly. Miss it badly now.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Go on massive holidays, start my own company to make more millions, buy a castle, a ranch in NZ.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
I have no best friends.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Loving someone and being loved in return.

7. Ideal boy/girl?
Someone who's himself all the time, loves me just the way i am and doesnt ever want me to change.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Wait.

9. List five favourite TV shows.
1. Oprah
2. The Simpsons
3. The Ellen DeGeneres Show
4. Greys Anatomy
5. Whose line is it anyway?

10. Do you have any regrets?
If you only knew.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
Alive and well. Rich and Handsome

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Myself, my bf, my sistaz, my faggots.

13. What kind of person do you think the person that tagged you is?
Gayu, well dont really know her that well, I know she's smart and super funny, very creative, random and very weird. I like.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Married and poor if its to me current bf, and im not just saying that.

15. What is your favourite colour?
Purple and maroon

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Yes.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Whichever picks me back. If they both do then Id ask them if they're going to be ok with a 3 way relationship.

18. Does forever exist?
Yes. Im going to live forever.

19. Name three things you would like to do but would never be able to.
1. Live forever.
2. Fly
3.Stop time

20. BK Vs LJS. Who's the winner?
BK.

4. If you tried on a pair of shoes, and they fit, and they were the only pair left, but someone magically came to steal them from you on a flying lawnmower... What would you exclaim? Elaborate.
"what the fuck just happened?".Cause I didnt knw harry potter was real.

7. Boys or Girls?
Boys to fall in love with, girls to bitch about boys with.

8. Would you consider yourself a morally upright person?
No, I have no morals.

9. If Buzz Lightyear was real, life-sized, and was immortal - How different would this world be?
I have no idea, what the hell does he do anyway? Save the world from aliens? whatever.

14. Would you have sex with a random stranger?
Yes, if he's hot, but now that im attached :(

17. Do you smoke? If you do, would you recommend non smokers to smoke?
NO.

19. In the case of an emergency, do you pull the lever, push the button, blow the whistle, light the candle, wish the genie, pull out the finger, break the lock, whack the bean, steal the shoes or destroy the deathstar with a supersonic lightsabre?
Is this even a proper qn? Wish the genie if there's one.

2008-10-30T23:46:00.002+08:00

So after getting hyped up about Halloween for like a month, it has just fallen apart. Im kind of confused, not really sure if im feeling angry. Hmm maybe I am that all my friends are just now not going to do anything. Well nothing with me at least.

I think it might be that time again, when I just go quiet and start finding new friends forgetting these few month old friends for new ones. There's nothing to talk about nowadays, they've all got their special people in their life to work things out with.

I dunno. I need my sistaz back. I cant keep going out alone and talking to strangers and making new friends. I just cant do it anymore and I should not have to. Where the fuck are my friends? I dont even have people to watch a movie with.

2008-10-26T00:24:00.000+08:00

And then we argue for like 30 mins for something so stupid, and then im not angry with him anymore. Why why why am I like that? Haiz, he's so sweet and cute. urgh. Muacks...

2008-10-25T23:05:00.002+08:00

Do I always blow things out of proportion? I think so, but only to things that really matter to me and make me mad. Today im pissed! My boyfriend called and said he got his friends going over to his place for dinner and I cant go cause his mom doesnt know me, yes that is fair I guess but then made me angry that his friends can go over to his house but his boyfriend cant?, Cldnt he just lie and say im some friend from somewhere, no, all he's saying is I have to wait till he gets his own apartment. GRR. And then he tells me he's going for some new year eves countdown with his friends. That made me mad, new years eve is such a special day that Id always want to be with someone i love and now i finally have one and he doesnt want to spend it with me and feels im blowing things up, he made the plans before he was attached to me so he has to go, does that even matter? he cant cancel it to meet me cause I really want to? If it was me in that position id do it, but the thing is he knows my friends so I cld ask him to come along but his friends im some unknown girl or a cousin so I cant join them obviously, I should spend it alone like I did last year, seeing the fireworks and getting reminded of him and just think how much fun he's having with his friends, and his retaliation to this is he'd rather just stay at home then if im gonna make a fuss about it, so he'd rather spend time at home than out with me. Am I really blowing this out of proportion? AM I?????

2008-10-21T23:54:00.000+08:00

2008-10-18T15:37:00.001+08:00

Oh my god. This addiction is driving me crazy. puke. I cant move. puke. Im too lazy. puke. Need my boyfriend here. Need to lie on his shoulder or just cuddle up and maybe puke. again. Urgh. Hate this feeling. Need Banana Milkshake.

2008-10-13T22:46:00.002+08:00

Money.

I hate money, and that of course reflects the way I treat it. Like it is nothing. To me it is just paper/metal and why I get things for it I have no clue. I hate it cause we do so much for it. We forget so much for it. We suffer for it. We kill for it. We do whatever it takes for it.

On another note, what's this recession shit? What the fuck is the economy? Why does it bother people I fail to understand. Well guess cause im not working? Well things just dont seem to bother me as much anymore. This elaborate festivals, prayers, celebrations ya-da ya-da.

I miss my boyfriend though, purposely fought with him today cause I just felt like it. So hard to fight with him cause he always makes me happy without him even knowing it. Urgh. I should not have pissed him off. He's really sweet. I really love him. And like I've told Rajen, I'd kill whoever touches him and eat his heart. I'd fry it first though.

2008-10-09T12:56:00.003+08:00

Sex IS sacred.

I wonder why i was never told that before but I do hope this helps someone else. Be a girl, hold on to your snake, hold on to your potholes, dont be so ready to let one in. Im not even going to say practice safe sex. I'll say have sex only with the one you love. Dont be ashamed, dont care what people say, sex IS sacred and if you want to hold on to your virginity you bloody well should. And if you've already lost it it doesnt mean you have to keep doing it just stop.

Casual Sex Kills

2008-10-08T00:12:00.003+08:00

Change.
Started yelling at my mum today. We went to see a cousin of mine who wants to change from nursing to Biomedical Science cause she doesnt want to deal with people. And my mum was like you cant be like that you have to you change, be more social you still have to like have friends and all. And I immediately told her she doesnt have to. My moms obsession with trying to make people change is so starting to piss me off. Do these people even think ? we're all freaking different yet they want us all to change and be just like them! They keep praying their whole lifes that we'll change and when we actually do they find something else to pick on. I told my mum its about time you accepted people the way they are instead of hoping they'll change, especially when it eventually comes to her gay son. Accept me and respect me, im not asking for your money.

2008-10-05T21:45:00.002+08:00

I so miss my room sooooooooooooo much. If you dont already know since I was supposed to be living alone my room and my sis's room was rented out and I got the masterbedroom and now that I had to go for my knee surgery my mum came back and now I share the room with her. Now when we fight i can run to my room and slam the door cause we're in the same room. I cant redecorate the room to suit me cause it aint my room. I cant watch porn! I cant talk on the phone whee hours into the night. Crap. I miss my room.

2008-10-03T14:07:00.004+08:00

Funeral. Id want mine to be fun, like how I am, fun. Happy, a celebration. I want white roses everywhere, I dont want wailing old women, there should be bouncers escorting them out. I want powerpoint presentations, speeches. There must be these two songs, Josh Groban's Remember, and Andrea Revel's Don't you forget me, they are abit creepy but in a nice way I guess. I want to become famous before I die though, or maybe after I die someone could make me famous. I think that's my purpose in life, to become famous. I'd hope my family gets loadsa money from my insurence and stuff and actually spend it for pure fun, like go on a holiday or throw parties and not donate them or spend them on elaborate prayers for me.

Well that's about it I guess. So if I die tomorrow you know what to do.

Dont You Forget Me - Andrea Revel

Remember - James Horner, Josh Groban, Tanja Tzarovska

2008-09-20T22:01:00.002+08:00

So I got bored and I just went and youtube-d a close friend of mine and fuck, im dumbstruck with all his videos and the way he dances. Here's a video of him when he was just 17. Fuck when I was 17 I had a weird afro and a horrid fashion sense trying to pick up the first sporting cca in my life - floorball.

2008-09-20T21:55:00.002+08:00

Im one those guys who shriek/puke when I see a mushy couple and hear someone say something mushy to someone but that's probably cause I was single all the while and really just wanting everyone else to be single. Things are different now. Now im constantly searching for mushy words to tell him, when im lonely, when i see another couple all I think about is him. I keep his messages but there's never actually a need for them cause somehow when I want to hear something nice and mushy he sends me one like he knows I needed it.

I think I love my Boyfriend.

2008-09-12T16:57:00.002+08:00

So I've always been drawn to The Phantom of The Opera since I heard about it in secondary school. My music teacher was mad about it and didnt mind letting all of us know. She was also my Drama and Choir teacher in charge and yes I did join them both. I thought its just cause Andrew Llyod Webber did an amazing job with the music pieces. It just took me to another world, you feel the pain, you feel the love.

The reason why im suddenly blogging about it is cause I just bought a DVD of "Phantom of the Opera" the 1943 film. There were no "beware, the phantom of the opera" songs. The story was not the same either but still I loved it nonetheless. I thought the ending was quite funny actually. If you know the characters at the end, Raoul takes Anatole out for supper. Yes! they're both men. And no that's not why I liked it. Go watch it! I'll lend you the DVD.

2008-09-12T09:29:00.002+08:00

Happy Onam all Malayalee snobs! Oh come on we ARE snobs! Anyway Im a hopeless malayalee, I dont speak malayalam and I have no clue what onams all about. And so like i usually do when I dont know something I wikipedia-ed it. And there's a whole lot of words basically a tamil movie down there, or rather a malayalee movie. One part claims to be a harvest festival another's a story about demons and demigods and some fighting and someone wins. Ah to me it's about going to grandma's place, eating and collecting Ang Bao.

2008-09-09T20:56:00.002+08:00

Shit now there's nothing to complain much about. I'm settled. I'm attached. That's right. No need to think, just dive in deep. If it's meant to be then so be it. Im not wasting another moment thinking. Well since he isnt as open about it as I am i should maybe give him a nick name? How about "Raindrops".

Well Raindrops proposed finally about 5 days ago. We met two years ago by the escalator on level 1 of lot 1. With a contact lens in one hand and a red eye I thought i was shitting myself if I thought this handsome young boy would find any interest in me. And well since my guard was all down with me frolicking for a contact lens solution and container all over lot 1 I was forced to just be myself, there was no chance for an act. And I guess he liked that, he got so comfortable talking to me. Over a cup of iced milo from Mac. That's our date drink.

And so he wasnt ready 2 years ago and wasnt quite ready now as well until I guess I kinda brainwashed him. And so i'm his now, and he mine. He still isnt sure if he's gay. I say it doesnt matter, we love each other and if the world wants to label it as we're gays then let it be.

2008-09-04T12:43:00.002+08:00

Triple treat cause I was three times bored. Was waiting a long time to watch My own private idaho cause keanu reeves is in it. He acted well I and so did the other guy. Very quirky weird movie that you watch just to act smart but the end of it you just dont get the movie. It was still nice though. Please watch it and tell me what the hell it was all about. Keanu Reeves is hot.
German movie I think. Found out i could download subtitles, gosh the world of internet. Waaw. Anyway this is a typical teenage coming of age coming out of closet facing it kind of movie. Wasnt that fantastic, was just normal.
Amnesia is on the list of must-watch-before-you-die movies. It's based on a true story. Damn sad I tell you. Can you imagine losing your memory and never getting it back. All you remember is that you're gay and some other guys name and you take it as yours. Well this movie I think shows what might have happened, a thesis by this lesbian girl. Very touching and very sweet. LOVE the theme song which i freaking cannot get online!!!

Dont You Forget Me - Andrea Revel

2008-09-02T23:45:00.002+08:00

It's late. I am watching a movie as usual. I'm just thinking in between the movie as I usually do about many things. People in general. Friends that have gone by, friends that I am letting go by for no known reason. People I thought I was in love with, people I might still be in love with. Thinking about love and what the hell is it. As all should know, I've never really been in a relationship before but have always desperately wanted to be in one. Now it's closer than ever. Among all the things that are running through my head im hoping somehow this works. I am thinking of you more than ever. And when I said I loved you 2 years back Im guessing I never meant it. But now I'm thinking about you all the time. Is this love? I dont know. I dont know anymore. But I want you.

Let's run away to an island far far away.

Joshua's right, thanks for the advice you may not even remember giving.

2008-09-01T18:36:00.002+08:00

Bored. And so are you right? from reading all my lame ass posts about the faggoty movies I've seen. Who needs to know that right?

I'm so bored not only do I want to go out, I want to go on holidays, I want to travel the world. Is there a job that'll allow me to do that? I want Ian Wright's job! You hear me? I'll do ANYTHING, except eat anything that comes from a Pig.

2008-08-28T21:55:00.001+08:00

Just saw The Curiosity of Chance movie. Pretty nice. The actor was hot in that other American Pie movie but here he was much younger looking. Just another Teenage Highschool movie about dealing with who you are and everything, stars the other guy that was in Eating out 2 too. Oh well. Like the dressing up part of the main character, I cant wait to go to school again, yes, just to dress up everyday. haha.

2008-08-26T17:44:00.002+08:00

An intelligent movie about a very intelligent man. Wilde was a wonderful English movie. I loved the language in the movie and all about Oscar Wilde. I thought the actor should have been hotter at first but then I changed my mind, I think there would have been no better actor than to play Oscar Wilde than Stephen Fry. Loved this movie, reminded me abit of V for Vendetta, Stephen Fry also acts in that. I must someday visit Oscar Wilde's statues and grave. Go wiki him if you want to know more about him. He must have been a fantastic writer. This movie gets 5/5 on the light bulb scale.

2008-08-24T23:47:00.002+08:00

I just watched Bangkok love story. OMG it's fantastic I tell you. The cinematography was beautiful. Liked the background music too. Acting was rather good. Story wise the writer probably only had one thing on his mind, to get me to cry as many times as he can. The movie just got sadder and sadder as it went on. Really choked me up. Showed the gripping truth of Aids and sex trade and all the killing and everything that im guessing really happens in Bangkok. Almost everyone just dies in the movie. Oh so sad. 5/5 on the tear scale.

2008-08-24T14:57:00.004+08:00

I watched Kiss the bride yesterday! what a crappy fucking movie that was. Stupid shit movie. Oh but well it did kinda have a small little meaning that's worth a mention in my blog. You see it's really difficult for some guys to comprehend that they're gay cause it just doesn't work that way as explained in this movie, the lead guy was in love with the other guy and that's that.He doesnt know if he's gay he hasnt felt such a thing for any other guy so he has no idea that he's like gay. Like this french movie I caught a few years ago, it's just love. So to the guy that im sorta dating who cant say for sure that you're gay, I dont care, I only care if you like me and if you can eventually love me, that's all there is I guess. Kiss the bride gets 3 out of 5 on the middle finger scale.

Sordid lives should be popular for gay people around the world and yes that means Singapore's left out. It's quite a quirky movie. Funny cast, liked the way everyone comes together in the end for the funeral. And out of the quirkiness made some sense unlike the previous movie. I even mananged to tear a little. 1 out of 5 on the tear scale, 4 out of 5 on the scrunched up face scale.

2008-08-22T12:56:00.004+08:00

I watched another movie today entitled Yossi & Jagger. It's an Israeli movie about soldiers and all. If you don't already know fags make the best of leaders therefore most of them being high ranking officers, closeted of course. Anyway this movie's about a two bar and a one bar who are both in love with each other, it's really sweet and one of them is super gorgeous. And so the story revolves around their usual routine, and somehow they get blown up sort of, and Jagger dies. It's freaking sad. Yossi doesnt say much at the funeral although this other girl says she loves the guy who died and thinks he loves her too and pretends to be his girlfriend. The mother laments about not knowing much about the son, doesnt know his fav song and all and yea you guessed it, only Yossi knows and he tells it. It just ends that way. Pretty sad but quite light of a movie. I liked the songs that played in the background. And his favourite song too.

I should so start having a tear meter for all the movies I watch. This one gets 2/5 on the tear scale.

2008-08-21T17:36:00.002+08:00

I caught two movies today. What else can I do right? The reason why I enjoy watching all these movies is cause they kinda take me to another world where I worry for someone else and not myself. The first movie's Shelter. Really Sweet love story. I liked the way both the actors looked really normal and not faggoty like most portrayals of gay men these days. It really sucks having all these faggoty fags represent us, no wonder we're hated so much. And all these normal looking fags tend to not come out and pretend to be straight deceiving their wifes and parents. Which brings me to the second movie Get Real. All about two boys who sorta fall in love but only one of them comes out in the end, quite nice, shows the sad reality.

2008-08-21T10:47:00.002+08:00

If there is a movie you should watch before you die(if you're gay/dancer/open/human) Billy Elliot has to be one of them. One of my favorite scenes in the movie would be when the coach says "She must have been a very special woman, your mother", and Billy replies "No, She was just me mum", I so went Awwwwww.
I also loved the scenes with his guy friend who turns out to be like gay, the kiss on the neck thing, made me go aww all over again. I teared so many times in this movie. LOVED it. I'm actually watching my favorite bits again now.haha.

2008-08-20T23:07:00.002+08:00

I finally managed to watch Eating Out 2 completely. Kudos to the director! I know some of you may not share my sentiments but the movie was great. I cant believe I felt so many emotions at various scenes, the director did it again, made me like laugh and feel horny at the same time. Who could help it anyway just look at the guy on the poster. So the story this time is like this gay fella pretends to be straight just to sleep with this other confused guy. And my oh my would I have done the same thing. HAHA. Well it's a good to watch movie. Make sure your mum isnt walking around when you're watching it like my mum was.

2008-08-20T18:17:00.002+08:00

Loved the starting sequence, always wanted to have like a dance group and have them dance throughout the MRT. Movie showed more talent than the previous one, but the Channing Tatum was much cuter than the new guy, nicer body. HAHA. I so feel like dancing in the rain now.Shit I have to start walking first now don't I. URGH.

2008-08-19T21:01:00.004+08:00

I caught Parting Glances last night, ok so I didnt really get the ending. I'm guessing it's one of those movies again where you have to really think to get it. It felt really weird at some bits, nice at some, funny too. Very artsy I must say. Seems it was like the first movie that showed the Aids crisis thingy. I fell in love with the Character Peter, yes. just cause he's just so cute. You should see his eyes!
And I watched Juno today, not bad I must say, very nice, story's fine. Sad at bits, funny mostly, the lead actress is so funny. I fell in love with soundtrack, the songs that play in backgroud of the movie was like just made for the film, felt so right.

2008-08-19T20:45:00.002+08:00

So I hate Vanessa Hudgens for one reason and one reason only. She's dating Zac Efron. So here's what i did to her in this weird game I found online.

2008-08-17T23:05:00.003+08:00

Watching movies is great but sometimes you've got to start thinking about your own movie and what you, the hero, is going to do. And that's hard, so fucking hard. I'm lost yet again. I don't know what im doing anymore. My mother was talking to me about how I cant be bothered about the family and what's going on like the bills and all, and especially my dad. What bothers me the most is that I am really not bothered. I've no idea why. I've sort of stopped thinking about my father, Ive stopped thinking period. Nothing bothers me, my mum could come and tell me tomorrow that we're broke and I'd probably say ok and just carry on. I'm more emotionally detached than ever before. I've just let myself down in so many ways and now i'm just lost. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've been lagging but the world is moving on by. I hate growing up. I guess I've to be a man now.

And only one person can help me now.

2008-08-16T20:44:00.003+08:00

This movie I cried and cried and cried and cried, the credits was rolling and I was still crying. It's a must watch if you're human. The story drags on abit but so worth it. Even now whenever I listen to the movie's music piece I tear. It's that good! It didn't get 71 awards for nothing. I'm not going to say anything about the ending or anything just in case you haven't seen it. The acting was great, I wanted more sex scenes for obvious reasons! but well will have to settle with just the short saliva-as-lube sex scene.

2008-08-16T20:24:00.004+08:00

ok so I'm doing a triple movie post cause I saw these three movies a long while ago.

Mysterious skin is super mysterious, the acting's really good, the mystery is really nice, a movie that makes you really think. It's really about how what happens to us when we're young really affects us. I'm born gay but I'm not going to deny that some of us choose to be gay and also some made gay. Yes, made gay. These freaky americans drug and rape young boys and as we all know sex feels good even if we're forced into it and since it's their first experience they end up being gay. Go watch Oprah for a deep explaination. Anyway it was a great movie, wonderful acting.
Big eden is super nice as well, cried my balls out when one of the character diee, don't worry not one of the main character. Made me think as well like will i come out too late or something. Anyway it was nice when the guy falls for the guy that loves him, you know how they say you should marry someone that loves you and not just someone whom you love, that way it kinda lasts longer. I also liked the way he wasnt good looking and looked like just a normal guy, nothing faggoty.
Oh this one, nice british movie, hard to catch what they were saying at first cause of the accent but I got it after a while. A few funny characters that add laughter into the movie, a few bad ones to make you cry, a cute one to turn you on. Enjoyed the drama of them coming out and everything, one of them gets wacked by his dad or something, basically he's abused alot. Love the fucking ending! LOVE!

2008-08-16T15:15:00.004+08:00

Since Ive been in the mood of blogging about movies I've seen, here's another one. Entitled Imagine me and you, just like that song, stars two chicks and Mr.Matthew Goode who is so incredibly fucking hot. Can you say no to that?

Anyway he's also acting in that Watchmen movie. So this movie's about this chick who fucking marries him and sleeps with him and stuff and then kinda figures out she's actually into chicks. Bloody girl enjoyed him enough and then left him haiz, wish I was her for that short period of time until she gave up penis for *monster. Yes the movie is funny and sad and also has great acting by those two chicks, I did cry! I aint gonna lie. I fell in love with the accompanying song. It is a major must watch!

*monster = vagina

2008-08-14T22:13:00.002+08:00

I just finished watching this movie and my oh my. I got the uncensored version so I got to see the ding dongs of two of the most gorgeous men on earth. The movie is great! Loved it. Didnt like some parts like straight guy getting a blowjob from a gay fella cause it brought some unwanted memories. Anyway this movie made me laugh even at the saddest of parts, it's just hilarious! I did even shed a tear towards the end. I caught abit of eating out 2 which was also so funny, cant wait to watch the rest of it. Where in the world do they get these actors! Sometimes I wish I was one of them. Ok who am I kidding, I pray everyday hoping to wake up looking like one of them. They say miracles happen, we'll see what happens in the morning. Night night everyone.

2008-08-14T22:06:00.003+08:00

I caught this crappy movie a while ago, besides the fact that it stars a major hotty it was really that good. Maybe I had to read into it or something but I so was not in the mood. Anyway I think it was a story about a gay pornstar who's actually straight. Kinda sad actually, but oh well that's life in hollywood or rather pornowood. Makes me wonder where all my pornoboys go when they get old or last years news. Sad sad sad. Anyway dont watch the movie. haha.

2008-08-13T19:30:00.002+08:00

Here is an educational post for those of you who do not know about the so called inverted flag of Romania or something.This Rainbow flag or pride flag is a symbol of LGBT pride (lesbians,gays,bisexuals and Transexuals). The colour reflect the diversity of our community. So yea no big meaning to the flag, just our own symbol,you can see them hanging outside some of our gay clubs/bars and spas. It's used worldwide which kinda helps us when we travel.

2008-08-12T22:20:00.002+08:00

I caught another movie today entitled " Edge of Seventeen. Ok the ending totally sucked cause it didnt really end, but still the movie did make an impact especially the scene where he comes out and all. The mum feels she did something wrong, and im so afraid my mum would think the same. Usually mums will think that outsiders will think they didnt bring their child up properly, and I found out my uncle and aunty thinks that it IS my mums fault cause she didnt let me loose when i was a kid didnt let me out to like be rugged, that's fucking stupid and uneducated of them to suggest, so tamil drama. I was fine playing with my sisters dolls and playing dress us (in her dresses). Back to the movie, its nice if you're just at your teen age to watch, puts certain things in perspective, coming out doesnt mean everythings going to be easy, which is what I'll be learning really soon.

2008-08-12T13:35:00.003+08:00

Ok im no Perez hilton to say that I know for sure there's gonna be a mummy 4, oh well I loved the first 2 mummy movies too much to hate the 3rd one, although I totally hate the replacement actress for Rachel Weiz, that role was made for her and no one else! I was so fascinated with this egyptian thing that i fell deeply in love with the first two movies. And now it had to be in China, cause everythings in China from China or made in China. What happened to Child labour in India huh? What are those kids doing now? slacking off eh? haha. Ok kidding. Anyway since the ending of the movie had the fella run off to Peru, im guessing the next movie's about the Inca tribe or the moche people. I'd rather it be about the Moche, cause they're homo's so they'll kidnap brander fraser and his son and rape them both. Yummy... Can't wait.

2008-08-11T14:11:00.004+08:00

So I just caught another fag movie, kinda dumb but nice as well, it's called Almost normal, about this old fag fellow who gets into an accident and has this weird experience, anyway I like the way the story went in that experience part, well they flipped the whole story around where normal means gay and straight people get beaten up and called 'breeders', damn cool. They have secret straight clubs and all haha. Made me wonder abit, are some of us gay cause we just need it to feel special? Oh well I know im not that for that reason. Anyway I think im telling my mum really soon, since she suspects already, just waiting for her to ask or the right moment.

2008-08-10T16:49:00.000+08:00

Now that's more like it!

2008-08-09T22:18:00.002+08:00

Did anyone else catch First Class on channel 5 today? Ok probably everyone's out except me. Anyway, I liked the fact they have a much better cast than a usual channel 5 show, atleast people that speak good english, there's the cute ang moh mixed boy in there who I so know is gonna be a major hotty, ok im turning paedo already, haha. Ok the main reason im blogging is to grumble about the faggot of a teacher role. WHAT in the world were they thinking? im sure they've lots of gays in the media and they probably had some involved in that show and how could they have allowed such a character! I mean I have no problem with a gay role, heck im the gay pro fella in m group of friends, but why why why do they have to freaking stereotype us again and again! like 3 out of 10 of us use the fabulous word and even when we do we're poking fun. On the other had it just might be a good thing cause I never thought such a character would be allowed to be shown on TV let alone channel 5.